The Super Mario Bros. Movie - Cheap Thoughts

It always seems to be the most undeserving of movies for audiences to become champion defenders for against the villainy of critics. These fans believing the delusions that between a combination of two-billion dollar corporations coming together to make a guaranteed blockbuster and individual journalists with opinions on movies, that the former is somehow the underdog. Also this idea that 58% on Rotten Tomatoes is somehow a bomb, and not a sign that the majority of critics enjoyed the movie to some degree. It reeks of insecurity and unfounded arguments such as critics being unable to enjoy movies that aim simply to entertain, as if recent movies Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves which is also a family friendly adventure film that aims to entertain didn’t get good reviews, or rival family friendly videogame mascot Sonic the Hedgehog didn’t also get good reviews, or the majority of Pixar, Dreamworks, Ghibli, Sony and Warner Bros animated films don’t also get good reviews. There are people out there who enjoyed The Super Mario Bros Movie and are seemingly so insecure in that opinion that they need to shout at other people who’s job it is to have opinions on movies and scream “No! You’re wrong!”. This is a warning to state that if this is you, this is going to be another negative review of this movie, so you might want to leave now.

Truth be told it’s not even going to be that harshly negative, arguably more positive than the Sonic the Hedgehog movies which I was very critical of (Though we’ll see). The Super Mario Bros movie is the second attempt by the west to adapt the Mario franchise into a feature length movie, the first attempt in 1993 with a live action film that was truly panned by critics and audiences, it’s main criticism being that it is incredibly unfaithful to the source material, and so this film has gone to obscene lengths to be as faithful as possible, in visuals, in tone, in music and even in plot by being paper thin and lacking anything substantive.

Mario videogames can get away with this because they have always been about spectacle. They have fun gameplay, creative worlds and often multiplayer components to make them entertaining experiences. Being adapted into a movie, and thus having their main benefactor removed you would think that they would replace it with something, perhaps give Mario a personality, an arc, anything resembling a character beyond his iconic look? Nope. He is a mascot first, a mascot second, a mascot exclusively.

The film begins with Mario (Chris Pratt) & Luigi (Charlie Day) recently starting their own plumbing business in Brooklyn and everyone seems to be against them, both their former boss and their family members mock them in their attempts to follow their dreams, yet the two brothers ignore them. On their first job they are shown to be perfectly competent plumbers, and it is due to external forces that disaster happens. Shenanigans occur and they are eventually brought into the Mushroom Kingdom, quickly separated, they meet all the staples of the Mario cast and are dragged into the middle of a war as Bowser (Jack Black) wants to kidnap and marry Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy), while all the two care for is reuniting and making their way home.

When people say their enjoyment for this film comes from what if offers them in terms of entertainment it’s easy to see why they view that, it is a bright and colourful films-truth be told it is easily the best looking film Illumination have ever produced-and it has heavy emphasis on comedy and loyalty above all else. It’s rare for people to root for the corporate overlords over any artistic merit but it is very clear Nintendo were breathing down Illumination’s necks to make this a faithful recreation down to the smallest of details and fill it with dozens of easter eggs for audiences to enjoy.

Yet it also relies on incredibly lazy needle-drops to make sure the audience is paying attention, songs that have no relevance to what's happened but they are broadly appealing enough the film hopes it can cheat by passing this off as quality entertainment. Where critics interrupt this is simply asking why not offer more? Don’t you want something other than cotton candy to eat? Don’t you want something of value to be gained from watching the film? As harsh as I was on Sonic the Hedgehog it at least put in the bare effort to try and tell a story, to give Sonic an arc. I ask you, what does Mario do? What does he learn? What does he want? Several times in the film people exclaim “you just don’t know when to quit” but at no point is he given a reason to quit. He’s a good plumber, he’s a good brother, there is no reason for him to change throughout the events of the film. Well okay, that can also work, have him be a flat character and change the world around him, yet he is an outsider in the world of the Mushroom Kingdom and has no direct impact on anyone and has no skills to offer. He wins because of power ups that anyone can wield. He fails as a plumber due to external forces and he succeeds in being a hero due to external forces.

A big marketing factor for this film was it’s star studded A-List cast, and I’m not going to be arguing against what other people are saying. The scene stealer was Jack Black, the runners up are Charlie Day and Keegan-Michael Key, everyone else was fine, even Chris Pratt. Yet them being just fine does further prove they could have just hired professional voice actors who would have been better and cheaper, but they still are willing to spend all that money for the sake of placing a name on a poster.

Part of me wants to be more lenient on the film and offer it the same benefit of the doubt I did Dungeons & Dragons, where that film took the easy route because their main goal was to prove a D&D movie could work, this film clearly had a similar mindset and just wanted to prove that a Mario movie could work. Yet there was still an attempt in the D&D movie to give their characters some emotion and arcs. Watching this film feels like the equivalent of eating a can of whipped cream, it is sugary and sweet yet lacks anything of nutrition or even solid substance to make it worth something.

-Danny

Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves - Cheap Thoughts

What do you do for a Dungeons & Dragons movie? This is a legitimate question as while there is certainly lore and logic to the property that makes for good set dressing, it’s not exactly a product with reoccurring characters & stories, that’s for the players to make, Dungeons & Dragons simply offers you a setting to tell that story in. There have been adaptations of Dungeons & Dragons before, most infamously the 2000 film, most famously would be Critical Role’s The Legend of Vox Machina and most nostalgically would be the 80s cartoon also named Dungeons & Dragons. The appeal of the world of D&D is that you get to tell the story you want to tell in a traditional Tolkein-esque fantasy world with characters of your own creation, without that you are simply watching a standard fantasy film that those in references and easter eggs for hardcore fans of the game…So that’s what they went with.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves is certainly a treat for D&D fans, getting to see certain elements be brought to the big screen and seeing these creatures and magic visualised, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t giggle a bit seeing a Green Flame Blade vs Magic Weapon sword fight, and I’m happy to see some Paladin Propaganda on display. Truly what they captured best from the game is simply the tone, which might sound odd because each game is personalised for your group of players, but most commonly agree the average campaign is a mixture of sincerity and hilarity. We all love to play pretend and do dramatic monologues with our friends but at the same time when your master thief of a Rogue rolls a Nat 1 on unlocking a door, the silly events that are about to play out are going be a comedic delight. While the irony stained comedic senses undercutting dramatic moments are certainly a plague on the majority of comedy/action blockbusters of today, it would honestly be out of character for a Dungeons & Dragons movie of all things to not embrace that tone. There is a character named Jarnathan and I can immediately picture how that would come about in a regular game with the DM failing to prepare a name for a random NPC.

For the non-D&D fans here there is still plenty to enjoy, a fantasy film filled with adventure, laughs and truly impressive practical effects littered everywhere, even with barely present background characters. There is an argument to be made that the film is rather basic, or as the kids say these days “mid”, which is difficult to argue against. The film has a very standard plot, the characters are the most basic interpretations of their respective classes and their cookie cutter arcs offer them little in the way of greater substance. Yet I don’t see this as massive a flaw as I would for other films, simply because when I picture the filmmakers sat down to write this film I don’t imagine they were aiming higher than “Make a good D&D movie” which as history has shown us, is not an easy task, so I don’t blame them for bunting the ball on occasion and going for the less risky options. In a sense I view this film very much how one plans their first D&D character, they often go for something basic and conventional just to get the hang of things, and once they’re comfortable it make something creative and experimental with the second campaign.

-Danny

John Wick: Chapter 4 - Cheap Thoughts

It has been 4 years since the release of the last John Wick film, delays due to covid have given the filmmaking team behind these pictures plenty of time to think on what they want to achieve with this next film. The decision they have come to is not to practise newer crafts to bring something different to the table (for the most part) but to polish and perfect the elements that have already existed. John Wick: Chapter 4 continues it’s predecessor’s video game like structure of sending John to a variety of locations, fight a variety of enemies to achieve some trivial goal, yet as tradition they do it bigger, sleeker and prettier with each passing instalment. Chapter 4 can boast away at its absolutely gorgeous digital photography, stellar use of neon lighting, dark shadows and dramatic poses to make is just a treat for the eyes. Yet it doesn’t stop there, the obscene talent on display from the stunt team continues to impress even all these years later. There’s true style and craft on display with the majority of action scenes, they make them hurt, make them cool and make them memorable. The Wick films put every other western action franchise to shame and they themselves never settle, never too comfortable, always thinking “what more can we do?” and they’ll always find an answer.

One of the bigger developments in modern filmmaking since the last instalment is the popularity of drone cameras, to allow for more 3-Dimensional and uninterrupted shots. It’s a dangerous tool to use unprepared, as the smooth movement of the drone can create a melancholic feeling, as if the camera is drifting through the scene as an impartial and uncaring observer. Wick 4 avoids that by locking the camera in a specific location, a top down shot in an enclosed environment Hotline Miami style. It certainly helps give the scene (and thus the film as a whole) a unique flavour to make it stand out while avoiding the easy pitfalls the drone cameras open up.

Other new instalments include an expanded cast, not limited to Bill Skarsgård as the newest uptight European High Table obstacle acting like if P.T. Barnum as a Bond villain, Clancy Brown in a small role as a strict rule abiding operative known as The Harbinger, and Scott Adkins as an arrogant eccentric German gangster/nightclub owner. This is another example of one of Wick’s greatest strengths, they have so many minor roles across their films yet they love to fill them with great character actors who truly embody the phrase ‘There are no small parts, only small actors’ in the best of ways. Of course, it would be remiss not to mention the absolute scene stealer that is Donnie Yen as a blind assassin and old friend of John Wick (Keanu Reeves) struggling to balance his duty to the High Table and his loyalty to his friend.

Friendship is the word of the day, the film has many characters making emphatical decisions on where their loyalties lie, with the organisation? Or with their allies? These are people who make their money in killing people who bare them no ill-will, in some cases they are ordered by duty to kill good people, even friends. John Wick as a character is one that refuses the call, he challenges the High Table, and relies on the help of friends who follow him as an individual, not a faceless replaceable group of criminals. The High Table as a concept we never learn much of their goals. They are an Illuminati style organisation who secretly control everything, and they have a strict set of rules you must never break, yet they seem to exist simply to exist? To have all the power and must never be challenged on it for the sake of having it. Like a child who refuses to let you play with their toys simply because it is theirs to own. It’s no wonder people flock to John Wick as not only do they have loyalty to him as a person, but should he succeed, they will have proof that the High Table is fallible. They are not the all-seeing, all-knowing hydra they claim to be.

The Wick franchise have always struck an interesting tone. They are expansive over the top action films with deep lore of an underground guild of assassins that goes so extreme into how serious they are that it makes it all the way back round to lunacy. Yet there is a clear self-awareness on the filmmakers part, very aware of this inflated premise, Wick’s uber intense performance of grunts and gritted teeth and Lawrence Fishburne’s dramatic monologues of his Hobo Kingdom, and not a hint of irony to be found they never laugh at themselves, only sincerity from frame one of the original film. It’s a rare balance to meet and that may be why these films have no true competitor, most lean one way or another. No other franchise can do what Wick does, offer a dark & violent world filled with techno music as Keanu Reeves slams a nunchuck into a man’s head again and again and again. What a laugh riot.

-Danny